The Visitors

They never let me at the keyboard!  Never, never, NEVER!  So I begged and begged, and now I finally get a turn.  I know I can do it, I can I can I CAN!  I can write Sunny Zoo Diaries too, I can I can I CAN!!

So what was I going to say?  AH yes, okay okay, apparently there was a strange phone call a couple of nights ago.  I was asleep of course, only heard Mr Keeper and the nocturnals mumbling for a while.  Then Cutie (the guinea pig Alpha and our leader) called an emergency meeting first thing the next morning, and we found out Mr Keeper's parents are visiting us.  To save Mr and Mrs Keeper's dignity in the human world (as Banana put it), we animals must play deaf and dumb while the surprise visitors were around.

Actually I was the only exception to the deaf and dumb part, haha haha HAHAHA!  Mr Keeper said I was welcome to talk human - as much as possible - while the visitors were around.  All right, I admit I haven't got much further than "APPLE" and "WHAT'S A DUCK QUACK QUACK", but I am trying okay okay OKAY???  Poor Marbles (the gecko) is very upset about playing deaf and dumb, and is no longer speaking to Mr and Mrs Keeper.

So here we were, practising being deaf and dumb pets all day, while waiting for Mr Keeper's parents to turn up.  I saw Chocolate the guinea pig trying to chew the other two wheels off our bus, Star Ferry, but Mr Keeper was on guard this time and chased him away.  Turned out Blacky had nothing to do with the bus collapse after all, which was a surprise to most of us.  He said he has been too busy "penning informational briefs and scribing  letters", so we asked him what letters, but he wouldn't tell us.  What's so mysterious, I ask you I ASK YOU???

Anyway we waited and waited and WAITED and the stress got to some tempers (I'm not naming names, but you know who YOU are, guinea pigs!).  Finally around 3pm Mr Keeper got another phone call from his parents.  They were delayed in Singapore and expected to arrive TOMORROW morning instead. Urk urk urk URRRRK all that stress wasted!  The sudden relief got to some tempers too (again I'm not naming names, but you know who you are, GUINEA PIGS!).

It was good timing actually, because there was a Quidditch match on Magicalica TV that night.  Australia vs Brazil YAY YAY YAY Go Billabongs!!  I just LOOOOOOOOVE Daniel Zapsworth, our Australian captain, he has this REEEEEEALLY cool mohawk hairstyle that has every self-respecting parrot swooning!  If Mr Keeper's parents had arrived on time, we wouldn't have been able to watch it, so we were happy they were delayed.

As usual the match started at 11pm, which was annoying but we were used to it.  Unfortunately after a REALLY long and extended game, the Billabongs lost to the Brazilian Jaguars 3010:2990, which was BAD BAD BAD BAD BAAAAAAAAD and everyone went to bed really upset!  That put us in a lousy mood the next day, since half of us (the diurnals) only had 4 hours sleep.

KNOCK!  KNOCK!  KNOCK!  None of us were prepared for the knocking on the door at 10 o'clock in the morning.  "Quick quick, everyone back to your battle station!" yelled Mr Keeper, and he leapt out of his computer chair, chased the sleeping guinea pigs out of the house, and hurried Banana back to her enclosure (she was lounging on the sofa by the sunny French windows, bet the guests would've liked to see THAT!).  Knobby was already in a dark corner of his enclosure, completely out for the count after the long night before the TV.

Mrs Keeper was about to open the door, and gave us one last warning glance: "Remember, no talking, thanks guys!"  She pulled opened the front door.  "Hi Mum..... oh, sorry, I was expecting my in-laws!  Err... you are.....?"

"The postman!  The postman!" said Bubbles the goldfish.

"Shhh, be quiet!" Croissant the other goldfish nudged him.

Since I was the only one not pretend-locked up, I flew over behind Mr Keeper to take a closer look.  There were two men dressed in white lab coats with the same blue, white and red emblem embroidered over their breast pockets.  It said "NASA".  They both had big smiles on their faces (over-excited I thought; if they were postmen, they would be the axe-murderer in disguise of postmen type), and one of them had a briefcase in one hand (possibly hiding the axe?).

"Good day ma'am, sir!" said the blonde man in a funny curly accent, holding out his hand, which Mr and Mrs Keeper both shook uncertainly.  "We are from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration in Washington.  You may have known us as NASA."

“Err, yes, I've heard of NASA," said Mr Keeper, now looking utterly bewildered.  "How may we help you?"

“Sorry to bother you, sir, but we are looking for a certain Mr. Blacky?” replied the blonde man, taking a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handing it to Mr Keeper.  “Maybe you’ll recognise this?”

Mr. Keeper unfolded the piece of paper, and I also shuffled over along the bookcase to look at it.  It appeared to be a printout of an email addressed to "To Whom It May Concern at NASA", sent from Mr Keeper's customary email address, and signed off by.... Blacky!  “No, I didn’t write that...” Mr. Keeper said slowly.

“Maybe we’ve got the wrong address?” asked the other black-haired man helpfully.  He had a charming mohawk hairstyle.  "Mr Blacky gave us an address here..." He pointed to a paragraph in the email, and I didn't even need to look to know there would be dread on Mr Keeper's face.  Yuppers, it was definitely our address!!

"What's happening?  What's happening with Blacky?" called Bubbles from his aquarium.

"Shhh, be quiet!!" Croissant apparently slammed a fin over his big mouth. 

“It's the right address...” admitted Mr. Keeper very VERY reluctantly, passing the piece of paper to Mrs Keeper.  We were all remembering the recent fiasco with Banana and the Royal Easter Show.  “I'm sorry, but it must be a prank by one of my kids.  My son HAD once written to NASA when he was about 8 or 9.  I remember him sending in his design for a trampoline rocket or something.  But this must be a prank... You see, I DO know who Blacky is, but he couldn’t POSSIBLY have sent you that email...”

"Well, it's not just one email, he's been corresponding with my supervisor for a couple of weeks!" smiled the blonde guy.  "Can we meet Mr Blacky, if it's not too inconvenient?  I know it's short notice and we haven't had time to make an official appointment with Mr Blacky.  But the two of us happen to be in town for a conference, and we really wanted to meet the man who came up with the new Blackian Spatial Theory!  That's what we're calling it for now, by the way."

"But it could well become a Law someday!" exclaimed the black-haired guy, now barely able to conceal his excitement.  "Imagine, we're right here for the birth of a new quantum astronomical law!!"

"Quantum astro..... astro.....?"  Mr Keeper was flabbergasted, and I couldn't blame him.  I couldn't have pronounced the bleeping word either, not in this life anyway!

"Could you please take us to him?” insisted the mohawk NASA dude, still smiling, probably thinking Mr and Mrs Keeper were too overjoyed to speak.  Little did they know haha haha HAHA!  "You can't imagine just what its potential is – the Blackian Spatial Theory will enable us not just to discover stars, but whole galaxies, earth-like exoplanets, and maybe even unlock the mysteries of Black Holes!" 

"Blacky... and Black Holes?"  Mrs Keeper's eyes were as large as lemons, and I nearly fell off the bookshelf myself.  

“Um… well, the thing is…” Mr. Keeper was looking more and more flustered, and he glanced over at Mrs Keeper for help.

"Um... errr...." Mrs Keeper was not particularly helpful either, so desperate that she even looked at ME.  "The thing is..."

"GUINEA PIG!  GUINEA PIG!" I squawked helpfully.  Truth is always the best policy in any situation!

Both NASA men looked mildly surprised and glanced down at the ground, "Guinea pig?  Where?" asked the blonde dude.  "Beautiful parrot there by the way, sir.  I used to have a Princess Parrot myself when I was younger."

"GUINEA PIG!  GUINEA PIG!"  Very pleased at his compliment (and at myself for mastering the new words in human), I nodded at him emphatically and flapped my wings.  "GUINEA PIIIIIIIG!  GUINEA PIIIIIIIG!"

Mrs Keeper put out her hand and I stepped up without thinking, and before I could say anything more, she had pressed both fingers over my beak and kept them there despite my mad struggling.  "Umm, yes, our very clever parrot!  Mr Blacky has gone away on a... guinea pig study expedition!  To Peru!  Just yesterday as a matter of fact!  Won't be back for... for...."

"Three years!" announced Mr Keeper.  "And we don't know where he is either!  Very mysterious man, you know, this astro.... astro.... scientist!"

The NASA men looked as if a thunderbolt had zapped them, and the black-haired dude even had a tear in his eye.  "Oh...... I suppose since we didn't have an appointment....."

"Yes, better make an appointment with him next time!" said Mr Keeper firmly, secretly much relieved.

"GUIIIIIIIIII.......!"  I was about to remind them all of the matter at hand, but Mrs Keeper very rudely tightened her grip on my beak again!

After a few more pleasantries, the mohawk dude wiped his eyes, the Princess-parrot dude patted him on the back, and the two of them went on their way.  Mr Keeper closed the front door, stumbled back into the living room, and collapsed into the sofa.  Mrs Keeper made him a cup of tea.

Bubbles asked, "Can we talk now?  Can we talk now?"

Croissant said, "Shh!  Not a good time!  Not a good time!"

Just as Mrs Keeper was about to speak, there was another interruption.  

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrh!!" screamed Mr Keeper.
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